Today is the day I start to write something for this new blog section of Refeel Yoga.
I want to start this whole series with a more personal story and a moment of vulnerability. What you guys get to see on the screen is always the polished, edited video, with lighting adjustments, noise cancellation, retakes… the list goes on. But on our side of the camera it’s not always easy.
Right now we’re living on a small island in Thailand, known as Koh Phangan. We love it here. It’s a great hub for all forms of spirituality; Yoga, Tantra, Shamanism, Water Therapy, Tai Chi, Bach Flowers, Crystals, Rebirthing… any kinda hippie stuff, you can find it here. It’s been our home base for the last many years. But after covid this island has become so crowded that it’s impossible to find reasonable accommodation for anything less than exorbitant prices. And as such we have settled on living in a very small single room - the kitchen, closet, office, living room and bedroom are all within a single space of about 20m2. My wife, Clelia, and I took this space because it was literally the only space we could find when we arrived to this island in November, it’s affordable - we made it comfortable anyways! - and we said to each other, ‘we won’t be spending much time at home anyway, we’ll be taking classes, workshops, visiting with friends, and really taking advantage our time here on Koh Phangan’.
However the overlooked problem with this tiny home is that it is VERY difficult to film here. We can make space to do seated classes, like meditation and breath work, some sitting kriyas. But nothing standing. And still we have to work around the times when construction is going on nearby, the all pervading hissing when the cicada decide to start singing, and uncontrollable conditions of the weather. All of this makes it very hard to get work done.
I don’t ever like to think of teaching Yoga as work. I really love it! I love the whole sequence of creating a class, practicing it, filming it, editing the video and then sharing it with the world. If you’ve been a part of this journey with me, thank you so much! It’s been such a crazy adventure getting into teaching on video for YouTube, learning to edit and all the other online social media stuff - things I really never anticipated doing in my life. But I am so happy with the way it has all worked out. And I am so grateful for all the support and positive response that I’ve received from so many people along the way. Really, thank you!
Right now it’s 7:30am, I’ve just finished with my practice and the cicada are buzzing in such a way that it feels like the sound is originating from the centre of my brain. Honestly, in person it’s quite a beautiful sound. Something about it really provokes an almost meditative vibration. It saddens me that this sound on the microphone becomes more of a distracting nuisance than a pleasant gift.
Now what I really want to share this morning is that with all these challenges of filming, in these past couple months YouTube has felt a lot more like a chore and I’ve been really losing inspiration. When I can just turn on the camera and share with you guys it’s so fun to teach and transmit the practices. But when I have to set up the space, wait for some noise, take a break, tear down the lights, move to somewhere else, set up again, try to record when there is silence or good lighting, cancel because it starts to rain… it’s not as easy to transmit Yoga to the camera from my heart. And this challenge has been a block to my creativity.
I didn’t actually practice Yoga for almost two weeks. I had a good friend visiting from Canada for a week - it was an amazing time and we loved showing him and his girlfriend around our beautiful island. And then we spent 5 days in Malaysia to renew our visa. So there was a reason, or an excuse, that I didn’t practice. But in reality it was this lack of inspiration.
However something has changed. This morning I woke up at 4:30. I couldn’t get back to sleep so I lay there for 30min, trying to decide if I stay in bed or get up and meditate. Finally my inner optimist - perhaps it was guilt - won and I got out of bed to sit on my mat. After 30min I decided I need to do some Asana so I quietly snuck out of the bedroom - remember our home is TINY and I really don’t want to wake up my wife, Clelia. So in the pitch black I grab my phone, a water bottle, my Yoga mat and I sneak out the door.
It took me another few minutes to quietly clear the deck so I could practice. I moved the table and chairs down the stairs, swept the floor and rolled out my mat. I started with my usual warm up series, followed by 12 rounds of Surya Namaskar. Then I began with Asana. 5min of Padahastasana, 3min of holding my arms over my head in Tadasana… it’s been nearly 30min at this point, the sun is starting to rise and I can see a faint orange hue in the distance, and inside I’m thinking, maybe I don’t even like Yoga anymore. I feel bored.
But I kept at it anyways. Next I did an abdominal massage, then Trikonasana… something started shifting. It was Manipura Chakra waking up. Then I did 5min of Uddiyana Bandha followed by Garduasana, the Eagle Pose. Now the energy was rising to Ajña Chakra and - sorry for the language - but holy shit!
Inside I started feeling so good. Inspired. THIS is the next class I will film for our members. This is amazing! Ideas start flowing in. Okay I’m gonna do a 90 day program for our new website. And a 49 day Charka series where we focus on one Chakra per week for 7 weeks. Kundalini, Hatha, Pranayama and Mediation. It’s all bubbling up in my consciousness with so much joy and enthusiasm. I finish with a few more Asana on the mat and lay in one of the most out of body, ethereal Savasanas I’ve had in months.
I finished up my practice with so much gratitude, rolled up my mat and grabbed my laptop. Bursting with creativity I jotted down some notes to outline these future programs - I will find some way to record them, either here or it will happen in May when we move to Italy. The point is I feel so amazing about life right now. Confident in my knowledge and capacities as a teacher. Inspired and enthusiastic again. And all it took was for me to get my ass out of bed and do 2 hours of Yoga. Oh how quickly we can forget.
This is why I love Yoga! It’s worked for me in my life over and over. This is why I love the Chakras! Because the different energies make a noticeable change in the way my mind interprets information. THIS is what I want to share with the world!
Thank you to all the teachers who have come before me and to all those who have inspired me on my path. Om Namah Shivaya!
And thank you to you for reading my first ever blog. I didn’t intended to be sharing this type of content here, and I don’t know if I will share a story like this again or focus more on Traditional teachings from Yogic and Tantric texts, Yogic Techniques, and answering some of the questions from students that inspire me. But who knows! Life is always bringing us new surprises.
Hi Andrew, thank you for taking the time to share your experience here. I cried actually, because I could relate to your challenges on such a fundamental level - which makes your work even more appealing to me. And this, again, is an invitation to me as well to just be authentic and share my own gifts.
ReplyDeleteIn writing there is no wrong or right. There is only your way of expression and the way you do it is so refreshing. I love how you keep discovering your own passions and how passionate you are about sharing it. Your openness is such an inspiration. Thank you. Bye for now - lots of love to both of you from Uli
Yoga is a journey! This experience is part of it. That is why your creativity and your love for yoga boosted. Thank you for sharing your challenges. I admire you more now because of your sincerity and trust . It must have taken a lot of courage to unfold your feelings in such an open way. Thanks for not quitting because to many of us practicing yoga with you is fun and inspiring!! Namaste.
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